who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
