Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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