hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
