Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
