everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize