I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
