Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
