Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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