She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
