babies were throwing up all over the place
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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