You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
