meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
