Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
They have beer where we have blood.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
