People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
how drunk are you?
Several
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
