My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
