even my farts smell like vagina
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
