from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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