I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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