I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
