He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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