Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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