I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
