im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
