i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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