apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
