We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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