Is it because I queefed?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
