your parents love me but you hate me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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