I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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