I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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