I puked a lego.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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