Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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