Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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