I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
