dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
