I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize