Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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