If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
