you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize