You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
