I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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