I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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