he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How's work?
Spinning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
