I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
All the doctor said was why
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
