I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
