I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
