Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
