please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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