you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
