he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
