I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
do herpes really smell.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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