I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
