the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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