I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
