3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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