Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
worst night to have a conscience
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
