This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
