Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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