I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
