tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
