Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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