so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
