she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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