Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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