A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's Friday. Sex?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
