whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
