she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
